Take one multi-band tour, subtract all the guys, add one mini-vacation, and shake well. And you thought only dudes knew how to party.
The HateBreeder Siren Tour is making headlines around the globe as top rock artists Angels of Hellfire, S-n-L, and Blink 81 tear the world apart. Sold out shows and crowded arenas are just the norm for their evenings. But what happens after the house lights go off for the night? This lucky bitch will fill you in.
My adventure began when I showed up at Hatebreeder Rock in Stockholm to do an interview with all the girls before the night of shows started. Unfortunately, due to a faulty sound system that was being replaced, everyone was running behind and no one had a chance to sit down with me, so Taryn McLoughlin of AoH told me to stick around backstage and meet them afterward. Blink 81 got the crowd hyped up, S-n-L got them in a good groove, and then Angels of Hellfire tore it up. As soon as they finished their encore and ran past me to their dressing room, Taryn directed me to the spare dressing room to meet up with the rest of the girls.
I entered the room to see Kassidy Murray of S-n-L, Ania Lozano Miralles of Blink 81, Ashley, Blink’s publicist, Janie, AoH’s light tech, and, to my surprise, Tatum Feldman. Turns out all the ladies had planned a mini-escape from the demands of tour life, and Tatum, Senia Urban’s cousin, was along for the ride.
It didn’t take long for Taryn and Senia to join us. Everyone already had a bag packed and was ready to go, except me, but all the girls talked me into going with them, and offered to share their things with me. We hurried off to the airport in a stretch limo and loaded into a private chartered jet. I couldn’t help but to forget the deadline in front of me as we went airborne towards Jakarta, Indonesia. We didn’t bother waiting for the wheels to touch down before the drinking commenced, and Kassidy was pretty well greased when we checked into the Grand Hyatt. Senia barely made it to the elevator on two legs.
“That bitch is so shitfaced right now!” Taryn laughed at her best friend of twenty-some years. “She hasn’t really had a drink in almost two years.”
“Don’t be fooled by her excuses,” Tatum confided in me. “My cousin just can’t handle her liquor. Never could,” she downed a shot of tequila, not even flinching.
Later on, when we finally made it to a bar, things get a little blurry. You know what they say, when the cat’s away, the mice will play, and these seven women (eight, if you count Tatum, but she’s not hiding from the guys on her tour like the rest of them are) were ecstatic at being able to just let loose on their own, being away from their thirty or so male counterparts. “It’s soooo good to just relax, and not have to walk around acting the way the guys think we’re supposed to act.” That pretty much set the tone for the night.
“Do you know… Do you know… Do you know…” Senia tried to ask me a question, one eye half open, and kept using her drink to point at me. She was hunched over the table and having trouble completing sentences, “Do you know where my girls are?”
“Chill Sen, they’re with Richard,” Kassidy said, and Taryn added, “They’re in Stockholm with the guys, remember? Or Amsterdam,” she sipped her drink. “I’m not sure.”
I was curious. How was she ‘not sure’ where her friend’s daughters were, especially because wherever they were, her son was also. She shrugged. “I dunno if the guys are staying in Stockholm for a few extra days or going to Amsterdam early,” she waved it off and took another drink. “I’m glad my son’s getting some extra time with his dad. It’s been fun traveling together for once.” Not sure who she meant, I took a gamble, and asked if she meant it was fun traveling with Blake. She just nodded, a smile on her face, but said nothing, and then jumped as her phone vibrated in her pocket. “Speak of the devil,” she said, and ignored the call. I wanted to get more out of her, but was interrupted by extra-loud cheering from the bar. Kassidy, Ania, Janie, and Ashley were dancing on the bar, and Kassidy was pouring shots into guys’ mouths from a bottle she’d procured from the bartender.
If only the guys could see this group now.
Some time later, or early the next day, as the case may be, we were sitting at a sidewalk café. The service was terrible, but that may have been because the place wasn’t open. The café was near the bay and as we watched the sun come up over the Java Sea and sobered up, the girls reflected upon the night and their lives.
“Did you see Tatum’s face when that guy came up to us and started taking his clothes off?” Taryn asked.
“Her face? Did you see his? He did it on a dare; I think he was about to shit himself,” Janie said.
“He wasn’t bad to look at. For about three seconds, I considered shtooping him,” Tatum spun an empty bottle on the table. When it pointed to Ania, I decided to ask her a question.
I asked her how it felt to be the only girl in the band. “Are you kidding me?” Her eyes lit up. “I love it. I’m unique. It feels great, the guys fawn all over me. Anything I need, they’re all over it. Well, I still can’t get any of them to go get tampons or anything, but I’m working on it.” Commenting on her relationship with lead singer Joel Coyle, I hinted at the idea that most people thought they were a couple. But she still hooks up with groupies. What the deal? Are they together or not? She blushed and told me she’d never kiss and tell, but admitted she probably wouldn’t hook up with any more groupies.
Kassidy threw her two cents in. Her love life was total debauchery at the moment. Yeah she flirted around with John (her band mate in S-n-L), but it was just harmless fun. “My love life kind of sucks right now, basically. But why bother getting tied down?” She reached into her bra, where she’d been keeping her money all night, and pulled out a bunch of crumpled papers. “I got like seven phone numbers tonight. I’ll be calling at least two before this weekend is over,” she shrugged as she studied the names. “Have a little fun, right? I have my whole life to get serious.”
“That’s exactly how I feel,” Taryn commented. “I don’t know what I was thinking, getting married and having a kid. Fuck. If I could take that back… Well, I do adore Scotty, so I don’t know, but I’d never planned on being a mom. Ugh, and I was almost married once before Blake, did you know that? What an idiot I was. Who the hell gets married?”
The rest of us cast a sidelong glance at Senia, the only happily married woman at the table. She just raised an eyebrow and sipped her water, shaking her head. “I’m staying out of this. I did my share of dicking around before Richard. Pun very much intended. But I’m happy now. I have a wonderful husband, an awesome step-son, two beautiful daughters, and hopefully within the next year, a handsome little boy. Or another girl, but hopefully a boy. Did you know I’d have never gotten the record company off the ground without Richard? He’s so supportive, he’s just amazing.” A gagging noise came from both Taryn and Tatum.
“What about you?” Kassidy asked Tatum. “You were married before, right? And have kids. Do you ever regret anything, like think back on it and go, why did I do that?”
“Naaaaah. Even though I married a complete tool, I have two beautiful daughters by him. Then by the time I adopted my son and other daughter, I was all set for motherhood, but honestly...If I could change one thing from my past, I probably would have drowned my ex-husband in a kiddie pool or something. Damn, he gets on my nerves sometimes and my mother keeps trying to push me back to him!” A contemplative look came over Tatum’s face. “I should have planned his murder after I had Rain...”
“Tat!” Senia gasped, as Taryn grinned wide. Ashley offered some advice, “You know, pigs are total omnivores. They’ll eat everything, including bones.”
“I'm kidding!” Tatum leaned back in her seat, arms behind her head. “He is a tool though, a massive tool!”
“You know, it feels really good to be out like this, just us girls,” Janie said. “The rock industry is just too male-dominated. Before I got this gig, I was surrounded by guys twenty-four-seven. Months upon months without any other ounce of estrogen around me. It’s a wonder I didn’t grow a penis.” We all whole-heartedly agreed.
“You know,” Taryn mused. “Sometimes I wonder if our crew would be any different if we were still an all-girl line-up. If Bella or Katy were still around, or if Claudia had worked out.”
“You mean, would there be more women on board?” Janie asked. When Taryn nodded, Janie’s eye lit up. “Dude, that would be kick ass. Serious female empowerment stuff right there.”
“Sometimes I feel like I sold out,” Senia said sleepily, sounding a little stoned. “Our whole premise, the whole vibe was that we were gonna the next Runaways, the Bangles. How did we end up with a guy in the band? And my fiancé, of all guys.”
“You didn’t sell out. You made a choice. All the talent you needed was right there in Richard, in addition to all the experience he brought to the table,” Kassidy said.
“And it kind of proves something, that he’s good enough to roll with the big girls,” Ania added.
“You know what? You’re right. He really is something, isn’t he?” Senia started digging through her pockets. “And I’m going to tell him so,” she produced a cell phone and started dialing.
“Oh shit, is she still drunk?” Tatum, who’d been rocking back on the hind legs of her chair, feet on the table, suddenly sat up straight. “And didn’t we have a no cell phone rule?”
“Yes to your second question, and…” Taryn studied Senia’s face, “Yes to the first.” When Janie made a move to get the phone, both Taryn and Tatum stopped her. “No way, I can’t wait to hear the drunken babble.”
“Voicemail,” Senia pouted, and then her voice took on that high-pitched quality that only intoxication can cause. “Richard… Richard. Hi. I’m in Jakarta. And I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that you are wonderful and that I can’t wait to get back and show you how much I miss you,” she smirked luridly, and we all tittered like schoolgirls. “I think you know what I mean. I’m still paying the damage bill from Kiev. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I love you and you’re just great, and Taryn’s taking my phone now so I guess I gotta go –”
We all laughed as Taryn wrestled the phone from her friend’s hand. “Okay, that’s enough. He doesn’t want a ten-minute voicemail in the morning of you repeating yourself over and over.”
“It’s already morning.”
“Not in Stockholm. Or Amsterdam. Wherever they are.”
I looked at my watch when I noticed the taxis starting to patrol for fares. “Ladies. I do believe this city is open for business for the day. Maybe it’s time to call it a night.” Everyone reluctantly agreed, and we shuffled, stumbled, and otherwise made it the eight blocks to our hotel, where we crashed, and crashed hard. In fact, as I write this, business hours all over town are over, and we’re just getting ready for breakfast, after which, we’re probably going to do it all over again.
The guys wish they had this much fun.
By Roxi Carmichael. Written for the city of Melbourne. Article ID 36860